My 20 Different Types of Poops
Today’s list will consist of my personal list of different types of poop.
1. The Lincoln Logger - long pieces, like Lincoln Logs
2. The Vein Popper - the one where you are straining so much the veins on your forehead are sticking out
3. The Neverending Poop - the one where you wipe, and wipe, and wipe, and wipe but there is still always poop on the paper. It’s like trying to wipe a marker
4. The Ring of Fire - pretty self explanatory. Usually a product of indian or Mexican food.
5. The Rocket Ship - when you have to hold on to the toilet bowl because you feel like you’re going to lift off
6. The Standing Ovation - when you are done pooping and you feel like you can’t sit down for a good 20-30 minutes after
7. The One Hit Wonder - You sit down, one push, you are done
8. The Shotgun - You sit down, one push, BOOOM, you are done
9. The Invisible Poop - you feel you pooped, you heard poop fall into the water, you wipe and there is poop on the paper, but you look into the bowl….AND THERE IS NOTHING THERE
10. The Encore - You poop, you finish, you wash your hands, you are one step out the bathroom door, and then you realize you have to go back for part 2
11. The Lion - the one that is particularly loud, making it’s presence known (usually in public bathrooms)
12. The Feint - you feel like you need to, you sit down, open the magazine, and it’s like “lol jk nevermind”
13. The Mystery - when there is corn and you don’t remember having eaten corn recently
14. The Sideways Poop - it literally feels like it’s coming out sideways.
15. The Titanic - the poop so big you have to break in two before you can flush it down
16. The Olympic Diver - doesn’t make a sound when it enters the water
17. The Backsplash - makes a big splash when it enters. you’re gonna need extra paper
18. The Slushie - has the consistency of such
19. The Iceberg - it floats, but it’s mostly underwater
20. The Groundhog - the poop that sticks it’s head out for a bit and then decides to go back in
religous beliefs: sloth in a onesie
political views: two sloths in a onesie